I’ve always loved children.
As a child, I was the ‘big sister’ that looked after the neighbour’s kids. When I was 18, I worked as a nursery assistant for over 6 months. In my University days, I was writing children’s books and worksheets. When my first niece arrived in 2008, I was filled with so much joy.
Given how much I’ve wanted children of my own, I’ve always thought I would assimilate into the role of a Mom effortlessly. I mean, I'm in my forties, lived in 3 different countries across the world, and am overseeing a global advertising agency. How hard could it be?
I clearly had no clue what I signed up for.
I was pregnant with Neo shortly after our honeymoon. Given that my husband and I were in our forties, we thought we should try as soon as we can, and our reproductive organs clearly did not disappoint. Neo arrived on 22nd June 2022.
I have always been a planner, so prior to Neo’s arrival, I was doing as much preparation as I could. However, with no family or close friends living around us, it was really down to my husband and I to juggle everything.
Now that Neo is 14 months old, here’s a list of things that I wished I knew and could better prepare myself, both physically and mentally, for.
- Breastfeeding hurts
I was told that breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt and if it hurts, you’re doing it wrong. For my case, that wasn’t true. Every time Neo cried for milk, I would wince in fear, as I was in so much pain. My nipples cracked and at one point, they were bleeding. I tried everything, from nipple cream to cold and warm compresses and even nipple cups and shields. Neo was also dropping in weight, simply because my supply was low. It took about 6 weeks before there was no longer any pain. It was a tough, tiring, emotionally and physically draining process, but I am so glad I stuck with it and Neo was breastfed till he was about 6 months old and started solids.
- Co-sleep if that is what works
SIDS was a constant worry in my mind. There were simply too many articles online which discouraged co-sleeping and cited that babies should sleep in a cot on their back. Neo didn’t like lying on his back and would often roll to his side. He would also wake up crying if I lifted him out of his cot for a night feed. After around 3 weeks, I realised that neither of us was getting much rest, and I tried co-sleeping with him. It worked like a charm. He felt much more secure and both of us could finally get some sleep.
- Nap before baby arrives. Nap when baby naps, if you can
I love napping, and I wished I have done more naps when I had the chance. You will be sleep deprived, at least for the first 6 months. And if your baby is unwell, the odds of you getting a good night’s rest is even lower. So, nap whenever you get a chance to… the chores can wait.
- They need cuddles, and so do you
My hormones were all over the place for the first 4 weeks after Neo was born. I would cry over the slightest thing. If my husband asked whether I’ve turned the washing machine on, my eyes would welled-up. If I didn’t get a text back from a friend, I would bawl. I had Neo 24/7 and I was still lonely. I am lucky that my husband is very supportive, but motherhood can feel very isolating at times…so yes, load up on the cuddles from your loved ones.
- Babies grow quickly, so do not overstock
I bought most of Neo’s stuff from marketplaces and charity shops, but we were also gifted with several items. One of which were size 0 nappies. While nappies are a necessity, do not overstock, as babies grow quickly, and before long, you’ll have to buy new sizes for the nappies (and clothing or shoes).
- Embrace the mess (easier said than done)
I am not a neat freak, but I do prefer things in order. However, with a baby, mess is to be expected. Neo could be in his best outfit, and then had a reflux, chucking up all over his shirt. Or he could be playing with his food, and making a mess, instead of eating them. Either way, I’ve learnt to embrace the mess…
- The 4th trimester is the toughest
Many people spoke about how difficult their pregnancy was or the horrors of childbirth. I have no doubt that those experiences could be challenging for some, but in my opinion, the 4th trimester (first 3 months after baby is born) is the toughest. I was recovering from the birth and had an infection from the stitches. Breastfeeding, as mentioned earlier, was hurting me so much. Neo was having very bad colic and would be crying constantly. I remembered walking up and down the hallway with him at 2am on one occasion, and I must’ve been up for 6 hours before my husband got up and realised that I haven’t slept the whole night. It was tough. Whenever you get a chance, have a long shower or bath…. For me, that 20-30 minutes was a much-needed respite from the hectic day that I was having. Or simply, ask for help… I wished I did that more often.
- There’s no need to bathe babies daily
Having been raised in South-east Asia, where we experienced high humidity, it was common to have showers or baths daily. I didn’t know that we weren’t supposed to give babies baths too frequently as their skin will dry out. Neo ended up with eczema at one point, and I had to take him to the GP. I later found out that babies are born with a thin, protective layer and baths will just wash the protection off. Now, Neo gets a bath every 2-3 days.
- When they’re sick, you’ll get sick
I’ve never been one to fall sick often. I think I must have taken no more than 10 days of sick leave in my entire time in London (and that’s coming to 7 years) …but now that I’m a Mom to a baby, things are pretty different. Neo would catch a bug, and he’ll pass it to either my husband or me. So yes, I would advise to load up on the vitamins and supplements and be prepared to battle the bugs with your baby.
- You know your baby best
When one is a new Mom, you’ll receive advice and suggestions from many people around you. But always trust that you know your baby best. After all, you are everything to your baby and they, to you. So, while advice is appreciated, do consider some advice with a pinch of salt, and trust your gut.
